he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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