He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
