just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
