Swine flu. Run for my life!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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