Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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