Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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