dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
