I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
