Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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