Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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