its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
