If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
