Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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