im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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