who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
