it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
