I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
