I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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