there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
