I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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