Will you blow on my dice?
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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