It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
