Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
