don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
