Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
