You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
there is puke in my bra ... again
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
