i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
