oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
