If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
