Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
