He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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