I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
