Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
