I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
