He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
