I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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