would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
