Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it glows. i had to have it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
