her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
that is very illegal...i love you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
