I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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