careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
