Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
