HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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