went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
