I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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