this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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