Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
