Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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