Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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