If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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